Then it loops:

1. Her feeling:

• “He doesn’t care. I’m alone in this. Why should I be gentle if he clearly doesn’t love me?”

2. His feeling:

• “Nothing I do is good enough. She talks down to me. Why should I give more love if I only get criticism?”
Over time this can lead to:
Emotional distance – you start living like roommates, not partners.

More frequent or more intense arguments – the same themes keep coming up.

Loss of safety – both feel like they can’t be vulnerable without being hurt or misunderstood.

Temptation to escape – work, hobbies, friends, phone, or even other relationships begin to feel “easier” than home.

Spiritual weariness (if you’re people of faith) – it feels harder to pray together, worship, or feel God’s presence in the relationship.

Underneath all of it, though, are two very human, very vulnerable needs:

The wife’s deep need: “Please love me. See me. Choose me.”

The husband’s deep need: “Please respect me. Believe in me. Don’t see me as a failure.”
When those needs go unmet, both people are hurting, not just “misbehaving.”
To begin healing, usually one person has to choose to step off the cycle first, by:

Offering unearned kindness (love or respect) even when they don’t “feel” like it.

Naming the pattern gently:

• “I’m feeling unloved / disrespected, and I think we’re caught in a loop. I don’t want to keep living this way. Can we talk about how to change it together?”.